I used to use this website in my teaching, and returned to it again when I realized that Mom's and Ken's deaths were both around 49.5 years. I was curious to find out just how far apart they were. Using the calculators on this site, I found that Ken lived 20 days longer than Mom, and that Dad reached 49.5 in the middle of 1969.
I kept going to find out just when I would reach the same age as they did upon passing. I was the exact same as as Mom the day after this past Xmas, and today is the day I'm exactly the age Ken was on March 21st, 2005. Hence this entry.
It may seem a bit morose, but I find it very profound as well as disturbing. It's very strange to think of oneself as being older than your older brother, and certainly than your mother. Inconceivable, yet true. On top of that, I couldn't help but be a little superstitious, wondering if I would make it to 49.5 myself. After Ken's death, all bets were off.
I'd like to believe that this is one of the last hurdles I need to overcome in dealing with my grief. As noted below, it is not as persistent as it had been, but it still rears its sad, menacing head at times, and will certainly continue to do so. I did tell you that Dad and Ken died on the same day, 3 years apart. How can I not be haunted?
PS A great way to view Ken's photos is using a piece of freeware that enables you to view online photos in an amazing '3-D' wall, whether they're in a Google search, or Ken's Picasa pictures. You'll understand it once you try it. Go to http://www.piclens.com/ to download the browser add on. Then come back and try it after clicking on the Picasa link to Ken's pix on this page.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
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